steamydoodles:

steamydoodles:

Some tips for happy sex with your babe đź’‹

OP here, wow this blew up, yay– For the record, this was a response to someone asking how to have sex for the FIRST time. I’m seeing a lot of comments about how “asking is such a turn-off” and you all misunderstood the advice completely.

Once you’ve built trust between you and your partner, you learn what they’re into and how they like it and when they like it. (That said, it’s still important to have enthusiastic consent from all parties before you engage in sex, no matter how long you’ve been together. Marriage is not an exception to this– if your S.O. says they’re not in the mood, you drop it, period.)

This advice is aimed towards anyone who’s new to sex or having sex with a new person. It’s about letting your hands travel slowly across them and whispering, “this ok?” before, say, unbuttoning their shorts. It’s not asking them, “is this ok? is this ok? is this still ok??? you sure???” with every thrust you make after they already consented to a position and it’s clear they were having a good time. The first one is sexy, establishing trust and understanding with someone new – the latter is unrealistic, distracting and unnecessary once consent has already been established for the sexual position you’re in.

That being said, if they consented to a new position but soon after you notice they’re in distress, unresponsive, or they’re actively telling you to slow down/stop, YOU need to disengage immediately. You could be hurting them or doing something wrong. If this full-stop happens, first make sure they’re ok. “Do you want me to do something else, or do you want me to stop?” is a simple way of giving them some control of the situation. Be patient if they seem dazed or nervous to respond. If they’re still in the mood for something else, they’ll let you know. Don’t shame or coerce them into continuing anything just because you want to get off. 

Still don’t think consent can be sexy? How about:

– Whispering, “This ok?” as your hand gently trails down their clothes/body

– Just moving real slow between their legs and teasing them until they beg for it

– “What can I do for you?” / “How can I help, babe?”

– Just take a good look at them– Are they beaming? Writhing with anticipation? Those are good hints you’re on the right track.

– Asking, “You like that?” or, “You want more?”

– Moving them to a new position and asking, “Are you ready?”

– Seriously, hearing an enthusiastic/sensual “Yes!” in response is so sexy.

– Asking afterwards, “How was that?” or “You want to practice that again sometime?” Direct conversations about what you did well and what you can improve will lead to better and better sex.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say about that!