latenightcornerstore:

1. DEMAND condom use
2. Hold your partners accountable for what happens in the bedroom. None of this “baby I can’t control myself around you” or “I just wanted you so bad” bullshit.
3. Coercion is real and it’s very scary and hard to identify in the moment. Establish a dialogue with your partner. Be clear on what you both want. Be clear on what you don’t want. Your boundaries should ALWAYS be respected.
4. Sex can be really emotionally and physically over-stimulating the first few times; don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask your partner to slow down, take a break, or even stop.
5. Focus less on pleasing your partner and more on exploring your partner. Everyone’s body is different and there are no “tricks” to better sex. Chances are, if you psych yourself out worrying over how well you’re “performing” then nobody’s going to have a good time.
6. Ask questions, offer suggestions. Despite what porn has probably taught you, talking during sex isn’t weird or taboo. Your partner isn’t a mind reader. They don’t know what feels good to you. [Pro-tip, a looot of people without clitorises aren’t fully aware of just HOW sensitive a clitoris is. They can be a little rough with them. Tell them to chill!!!!]
7. Your sex life is YOUR business. Don’t ever feel ashamed of how many or how few sexual partners/experiences you’re having. Do what you want, touch the people who want to touch you back, forget the rest.
8. DON’T FAKE YOUR ORGASMS!! Don’t fake your orgasms!! DON’TFAKEYOURORGAMS!! If your partner isn’t getting you there, let them know! Tell them how!!
9. There is more to sex than orgasms. Sex is a really cool way to establish intimacy and trust, to have a fun time, to relieve stress, to explore a person’s body and bring them pleasure. Don’t get me wrong, orgasms are really cool and good, but your sex life is going to be a lot better if it doesn’t revolve around them.
10. LEARN ABOUT YOUR BODY!! This goes for everyone, but ESPECIALLY if you are a person in possession of a vulva, you have been discouraged and even actively kept from vital knowledge about your anatomy! Do some google searches, buy a human sexuality textbook, masturbate.
11. Virginity is a useless concept. It’s completely okay if your virginity is something important to you and I’m not trying to belittle that idea. Just, for the record, in the grand scheme of things it’s not a big deal. Literally nothing about you changes just because you bumped uglies with someone else.

This has been a public service announcement from your friendly internet poet.

wsswatson:

I’m quite confused about this message honestly because ‘is it right
and healthy for them’ implies that you think I have some level of expertise on
human psychology (I don’t, I’m an English lit and creative writing undergrad)
and ‘no hate no secret intentions lol just pure curiosity’ implies you’re
including me in the category of ‘sooo many straight girls (and also queer
girls who love boys)’ who are ‘fond of gay men relationships’ which is… odd,
frankly, considering that there are really only two m/m relationships I
regularly blog about, but. Anyway.

Without going into
all of the issues I have with this message (the generalisation, the grouping of
straight and bi/pan girls/women into a shared category without acknowledging
how different their experiences are and the fact that this is apparently of
more concern than the aggressive hypersexualisation of gay and bi women by
men), I think there are several reasons why m/m relationships appeal to girls
and women.

1. The vast majority of famous writers and directors are men, which
   reflects itself in the fact that their male characters tend to a) outnumber
   their female characters, b) play more significant roles in their narratives
   than their female characters, and c) be more multi-dimensional and realistic
   than their female characters. As such, they tend to naturally stand out and
   therefore matter more to the audience than the female characters and to have
   their most significant relationships with one another, hence attracting more fandom
   (and shipper) interest.
2. Likewise, there is a gender imbalance in the celebrity world,
   particularly historically, and lots of famous celebrity groups (from writing
   cliques to bands) tend to be male dominated, and so I expect the average person
   could name gay and bi male celebrities and couples far more easily than gay and
   bi female celebrities and couples, and being drawn to celebrities is very
   common, as is taking an interest in a favourite celebrity’s love life.
3. Due to the way men often view women, gay/bi men often write men in love
   far more realistically than straight/bi men (straight men particularly) write
   women in love, so women buy it in a way they might not buy m/f romance.
4. Women are taught from birth that their bodies are disgusting and
   embarrassing, so being able to consume sexual material which doesn’t implicate
   bodies like theirs is often more comfortable for girls and women than sexual
   material which does.
5. For bi women (and, in fact, gay women – I have lots of lesbian TJLC
   friends), m/m material provides an outlet to explore queerness without, again,
   implicating their own bodies or forcing them to see themselves in the
   characters they’re reading about, which can be really intimidating for a girl
   or woman only just beginning to come to terms with her own sexuality (I know
   this was the case for me).
6. I can’t comment on this from experience because I don’t watch porn at
   all, but from what I’ve read, the porn industry tends to be far more violent
   towards women than men, so for LGBT women who want to consume LGBT-based porn,
   gay male porn allows them to do so without the exposure to violence against
   their own gender and/or bodies.
7. I have also personally seen a lot of women I’ve met through johnlock go
   from identifying as straight to identifying as bi, and did the same myself.
   Instead of branding straight girls who ship m/m ships as obsessed fangirls or
   whatever, please try to consider that part of the appeal may well be being able
   to explore their own sexuality in a way that’s less intimidating to them than
   various alternatives.

lovethatdiscourse:

But really tho, the split-attraction model is literally homophobic.

Part of my coming out as gay involved realizing that I experienced my sexuality in more ways than just sexual urges. Nothing wrong with sex or having a sex drive, and nothing wrong with not experiencing sexual attraction. But again, one of the most important breakthroughs in my overcoming internalized homophobia was literally uniting my sexual attraction with the rest of sexuality.

Yes, that’s just my own narrative, my own lived experience, and it’s not prescriptive.

However. The whole reason I had to do that, the whole reason that existed as a thing to overcome, is that splitting attraction into categories of “sexual” and “romantic” is literally how straight people oppress lgbp people: our experiences are separated from “normal” sexuality by isolating us as these sex-crazed freaks who can’t experience full sexuality, and are predatory by nature.

It works by saying “well, these people are deviant because they experience sexual desire differently from the rest of us, and that’s threatening.” And once that differentness is established, we are further othered and demonized by saying “and as to the full range of human romance and sexuality, they are stunted and cannot share with each other what we have, which is natural, and fully functional and more human.”

And so, a theory that splits attraction into categories, and proceeds to lump gayness into the “purely sexual” one, blatantly and explicitly separating it from “the rest” of human sexuality, is EXACTLY how straight people oppress lgbp folks on the daily.

And that’s just one of the horrible implications of the split-attraction model. It also erases gay and lesbian people as those who experience exclusively sga, and it’s unfair to asexual folks who really do experience degrees of more or less attraction. And it erases bi and pan people by letting folks who are not actually bi or pan identify as being attracted to multiple genders because their attractions are “split.”

closetedlesbianopinions:

I’m repulsed by the thought of having sex with a man because I was raised in a sex negative environment. I’m not attracted to men because I was taught women weren’t as sexual. Just have to power through that! I’ll get past it!