fuck it i fucked up. i cut myself again. i’d been clean since december but i fucked up. it’s just too overwhelming.
all this religious guilt stuff is horrible tbh. why can’t i just hide and be alone and be gay by myself in a quiet place where no one will judge me. like i’m not happy being a good little religious straight girl, but i hate myself every time i try to be who i want to be too.
that’s kinda how i ended up here. looking at nsfw pics of girls, then crying and cutting myself bc i feel so bad about it. i wish i could be innocent and pure again but im filthy and disgusting and i deserve to die. i can’t even go all the fucking way into sin though. i just look at soft stuff to torture myself and i cry. i don’t even masturbate. i still can’t go that far because it’s a sin and it’ll ruin me forever. (well i’m already pretty ruined, but somehow my brain says that would make it worse).
why can’t i just get fixed and get better.
Moving from tumblr to greener pastures 